How to Set Boundaries

What Are Boundaries?

A boundary can be described as a personal value that preserves and protects one’s emotional well-being. Setting boundaries can ensure that those values are not being violated or compromised. Healthy boundaries ensure that you are being respected and heard.

Boundaries can take many forms. You may have very open boundaries or you may have rigid boundaries. With rigid boundaries, you may develop the following traits:

• You may appear to detach from people who are intimate partners
• You will have very few close relationships
• You will start avoiding close relationships even with family members.

With open boundaries, you may develop these traits:

• You will find yourself getting involved with other people’s problems
• You will find it hard saying no to requests from other people
• You will be very free to share personal information with others
• You will be determined to please others because of the fear of being rejected.

Why Are Healthy Boundaries Important?

1. Healthy boundaries are a necessary component of self-care. Without healthy boundaries, you may feel taken advantage of, taken for granted, or feel a sense of intrusion into your personal life. Poor boundaries will make you feel hurt, angry and burnt-out.
2. Healthy boundaries allow you to feel empowered. These boundaries draw a clear line of what is acceptable for you and what you are not comfortable with. Autonomy is important for self-care.
3. Healthy boundaries dictate what people identify you with. They help you to indicate what you will and will not be held responsible for. This ensures that you have healthy relationships with people.

What Do Healthy Boundaries Look Like?

Healthy boundaries look different depending on the setting that an individual is in. For example, the healthy boundaries you have with your partner will be very different from those that you have with your coworker or your boss.

Healthy professional boundaries may look like choosing to separate your personal life from your professional life. You can decide not to tell people you interact with at work about your personal life. Setting boundaries at your workplace allows you to feel fulfilled in your work, and less stressed in your professional life. This helps to promote a healthy work-life balance.

Romantic partnerships are not immune to boundaries. You may want to ask your partner for some alone time when you need it; or, you may want to restrict your partner from going through personal items such as your phone. Boundaries in partnerships are crucial to a healthy relationship.

Boundaries can be set at home between parents and children. For example, a parent may instruct their children to knock prior to entering their bedroom, so they can maintain some level of privacy. Parents should also choose to respect the boundaries of their children to help build a trusting dynamic.

How To Set Clear Boundaries

1. Know Your Limits: Look back at the past events that caused you anger, discomfort resentment, or frustration. Understand if your limits were crossed and create comfortable boundaries for future interactions.

2. Know When to Say NO And Maintain the Decision: If you do not like or want to do something, firmly say NO. There is no need for you to over-explain your decision.

3. Be Assertive: Follow through with the boundaries that you have set. Have the courage to tell people that they have disrespected your boundaries when they do.

4. Give Clear Communication: Set boundaries by clearly stating what you need to be done. Explicitly state why the boundaries you are setting are important. Be direct and do not beat around the bush.

5. Set Consequences for Breach of Your Boundaries:  If someone breaches your boundaries and does not respect your wishes, make it clear to them that what they did was not okay. Inform them of the consequences. If you fail to declare the consequences, others may not take your boundaries seriously.